Worried

I feel my dad wants to force rape on me.

They won't stop getting complex in my life and leaving messages that pile up, my dad, who is kinda intrusive, in a way.  He seemed happy, in real life, but we just don't stop him.

I felt my right egg sack like it was about to explode.  I heard some cars go by.  I think they're catching onto the very fact I had my dad buy me my costume for Halloween.  Why not?  What's the big deal?  I'm sure other people have their parents buy them stuff...

I thought of something really nasty and perverted, that people reading into my privacy maybe would be "embraced" by my dad, in a way I don't like, that "feels like rape."

Ever since the n word thing, he's lost his respect for me, like he was waiting for it, like an excuse.

I was thinking lots of people call people the n word.  PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.  If you wanna get mad how Nell Burton was raised to look, you're ASKING THE WRONG GODDAMN PERSON.  :S  It seems someone is so antsy they can't take anything that reminds them of something, neither.  WHAT'S YOUR SORRY IDEA BARKING ON ME FOR THINGS I NEED, things I don't do often, neither?

Oh wow, I thought they all wanted me to do it.  She's a girl.  What does that mean?  Oh, were you so creative and stupid that you got that into my life yet ruined it?  People think also that calling someone who usually wouldn't be called it is better than calling someone on the streets that, but times have changed.

Now, I'm worried my dad is stupid enough to think he has to be the one to and that anyone would go out of their way to in a weird, complex way hurt a boy I talk to online from England...  He hasn't directly talked to me, in awhile.  He was suppoesd to.

So, what about it?  What's so special about this non-nigger girl?

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

Stop making fun of my emotional life.

'}:{ Hello?

Why did you just associate a thought with my brother and with being Asian?

WHAT'S YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING PROBLEM?

'}:{ Just Woke Up For a Bit

Please leave me the Hell|fuck alone.  I just woke up to the bathroom #2 and got the message I wasn't white associated with the thought of like before you have sex.

'}:{ ... ... ... ... ...

Flag Team ---u

I made it, but my friend didn't.  The boy I liked didn't stay, who the whole school wanted to stay.  So, I didn't do it.  I wish I did, but I shouldn't have auditioned.  It was stressful but may have been a learning experience.

I was thinking of band my 3rd year but couldn't play the oboe my 2nd year.

My Pleasure

Why do people think me doing an activity is a bad thing or doing anything at all that is pleasurable?

* ballet class *

I guess there aren't any special ballet classes I can find out about for actors in movies.

HEY! I DIDN'T DO BALLET!

What the Hell?

What the fuck?

Quit Tailing Me!

You can't tell me what to think and how to feel.

Lonely

I wanted to meet people.

Are you gay? 8|

So, you all wanted my family to be the only ones to interact with me?  Are you gay?

Bait

Why would Tim Burton bait people to get interested in him to just taunt them with the fact he's taunting everyone to get interested in him, but he, Johnny Depp, Ellen DeGeneres, and Orla Fallon admit that they are only dedicated to their immediate family?

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I did gymnastics at home for fun when I was only 1 - 1 1|2 and started class when I was 1 3|4 and did it off and on.  I took it once or twice a week until I was 8.  I noticed I looked ugly after I did gymnastics.  I should have been put in singing.  I was told I was a chatterbox, though.  I did art, too.  I think I was a cute person at 1 point.  When we went up north.  I don't have many pictures since the hurricane but used to have a bunch.  My head got big when I added gymnastics, and I never was good at remembering the moves.  I think most kids were babied in a different way.  It might not have been the most prestigious thing.  I should have gotten into more movies.  I don't know if I was allowed to listen to any music I wanted.  My mom's sister is in music.  Piano was fun.  It was very theraputic being so involved in the community via it.  Well, now, I am just singing popular songs I somehow found out about.  I saw this picture of a ballerina in Slidell.  http://www.nola.com/community/st-tammany/index.ssf/2010/12/segreti_featured_as_clara_in_t.html  I should have went to that school when we moved.  It looked too hard.  I just looked at a picture of a teen dancer, and she looked older than me, still.  http://orlandoballet.org/company/employment-opportunities/company-dancer-audition/  I don't know if I'm well fed enough for this.  Maybe, I'll do this: http://www.abt.org/education/nationalaudition.asp.

* Fishing *

Why should we wait for other people in order to do something we like?  What if they never do it?

Meeting People

THANKS A LOT.  NOW MY BIG CHANCE OF MEETING PEOPLE IS RUINED.

*What a joke*

Why do people joke around so much with me?  They're not going to do the right thing?

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I'm trying to narrow down my options.  I keep coming back for stuff.

I'll probably get tired of music, but I could keep coming back and singing old songs.  Eventually, I'd find new ones.

I can't concentrate well doing ballet all day.  I used to.

Just posting about Tim Burton, eventually I want to be an actor.

I tried to escape to music school but picked the wrong major.  Now, I'm too old.  After awhile, I didn't feel good and just felt too old.  I left the beginning of my junior year.  I also didn't get in a good major.  I guess it was a good thing I did what I did, might have been more relaxing some other way.  Now, I should think of getting out a CD.  Maybe, I should get a TV show on supernatural things.  And touching people.  That doesn't really match.  I still feel like a kid, though.  I like kids more and more, still.  I get to feeling like funny.  Maybe, I should be a singer.  I mean like Charlotte Church, except I am older and not from Europe.  I'm not looking forward to getting the rights.  I'm all over YouTube.  I didn't get much interaction there, but I'm there.  My voice isn't very strong.  It used to be, but it's better now.  I was supposed to make a Christmas CD a year ago.  I was gonna do it by the summer.  Maybe, I'll do some different songs and get a better background and do some dancing.  I wonder why other people don't sing.  Maybe, they want to see other people sing, first.  Something just escaped me.  I was gonna be a singer, then I decided to go to college, but I don't know why.  Now, I can't pick a major.  I looked at a college I was at and see I could go back and they offer Ballet IV.  They also took away Ballet I, which I never took at my college in New Orleans though was suggested to go back and do or maybe level II again.  :(  So, I could do Voice there.  I wish my parents would move there.  Oh well.  I guess I'm just worried about my health.  So, how do you watch TV at college?  I guess I could watch it online.  :)  I still feel kinda old to be seen in a college.  Maybe, I'll get a job at Disney.  I feel too old to be a performer nor be in the college program.  I could make a lot of money if I recorded a CD.  I'm not sure what I'll do if I don't go to college, but I don't like travelling around Orlando.  I just don't feel like working now.  The n word thing put me back, too.  It also handicapped me.

Thank you, so much, for your help and inspiration!  I still fail to see why Hollywood doesn't matter.  I'm tailgaiting Tim Burton.

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Hey, you could sit in my lap.  Why are you too big to sit in a lap as a tween?  I wonder why people think I'm small.  I used to have a big period when I came home from college, but the medicine made me lose it.  I'm eating a lot more, now, and that might make it come back faster.  I was even wearing senior diapers, all the time, and had up on my website that I always used wipes after using the bathroom, which I ended up using frequently.  I think my website was MySpace.  Sometimes, about other people, I have seriously thought on things like, I guess, you'd wonder, if I'd feel good sitting in their lap like when they touch me...  Funny when you're old enough to feel that, you're too big, and when you're younger I guess less social.  Maybe, it just took me awhile.  I grew up thinking you didn't necessarily experience those things.  I also grew up with the idea that you had to do something yourself to really do it others.  Also, we are all different, so it wouldn't be exactly the same.  I just get that feeling, honestly, when you bring that up, that I would want to sit in somebody's lap.  I find that popular people relate to me well.  So, it would be very possible, if I wanted to be small.  I'm trying to get big, now, and I could get small again.  Oh well, I don't know if I'll ever find the answer to my question because I'm 4 races.  I guess I have concluded that to like relate to someone you can't just be like big and bad.  You have to be like a good stature.  Eating a lot, you won't necessarily get too wide nor maybe tall..  I'm not sure how I'm structured, but I do seem to be fatter than I used to be and am certainly heavier since going up north and thinking my life was an experiment and having trouble trying to diet again.  I had fasted before and gained weight after that, as well.  I don't know why I'm still heavy.  I think I lack the good resources.  The food in Orlando is different.  When I moved to the New Orleans area, I had a fetish with Pizza Pockets, and then they didn't exist like before.  I used to watch Cats and have 2 lousy Pizza Pockets.  After awhile, they would lose their taste.  I also ate a lot of pasta, and my mom said it would make me fat.  I'm having a dessert fetish and may get diabetes.  I guess I can't diet.  I was gonna go eat now but I guess was excited to get on Twitter and may go to bed.  I found that older people tend to have a more physical stature, all the time, strange.  No one is smaller than me, totally, even my mom.  Her thumbnails are bigger than mine, and she's much smaller and shorter.  I think I'm bigger than all my aunts.  I bet my older one, who is shorter now, would carry me.  She never has.  Maybe when I was a baby.  Neither did the other one.  I don't remember sitting in my mom's lap except like on a plane.  I don't really remember much.  I remember her carrying me a lot when I was scared and hiding behind her skirt when I was a little older, 4 or 5.  After that, my life became very fake.  I think I remember how my mom felt when I was an infant.  She held me in a wrap.  It was just a big, overwhelming, not very feeling, feeling of bliss.  I think she's graduated, now that I'm 25|26.  That's how old she was when I was conceived.  8|  Maybe, you did, obviously, I'm sure find your way to those pictures I made, perhaps, I'm pretty sure, even, right away, of you fondling some people.  I find the practice stimulating, and it'd be nice to experience real life like that.  I'm finding that people are so robotic, but in the arts you find they're the kind you want.  I know you're pretty particular.  You have like well-behaved kids on your show, and you don't like touch people too much.  I am not sure why people in New Orleans don't touch much.  I know sometimes.  In Florida, I masturbated as a kid and thought of weird things first.  It was a little satisfying posting about Tim Burton.  When I was up north, I felt the most, but we don't live there.  I think I belong in the Midwest.  I'd like to find and help more people like you, though.  Well, both.  Wouldn't it be fun if we went there, unless you still just like your show and that's all and the people who go through it.  I'm just imagining stuff because I guess that's how I got into masturbating.  When I was up north, I didn't really relate to people physically, other than my relatives in Pennsylvania|New York.