My dad is really going insane. He thinks his work and kids aren't worth it.
People are barking and thinking kids who are younger than me deserve more respect for what they do for some reason.
They think everything says they're cool and others aren't, like it's impossible for anyone to make a breakthrough in this day and age.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Your Kids
So, why do you think your kids's generation suffers things from mine but is better in every way?
Mystery in Life
Some people are left with no mysteries. They think you have to concretely think some thing and then it happens. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Wait. '8| You think this is funny? That's not the way it is, that's just what you think. You haven't proved any facts. Maybe, you people don't think and act. I don't want to be made fun of for having an imagination because I think lots of people have something of an imagination. Why are you so into what I did in the past and like admitting things and that I'm not all that? Why do you believe that people deserve things like class? You think that we're all to be as poor as we ever were or something?
AH!
I keep getting taunted by people with older parents and born around 1960! I want to *beep* you! Why? Oh, that idea was put in my head. Why don't you notice what I write? Who the Hell is taking this in?
I don't think people born in 1960 are sacred, in that way, nor that anyone thinks they should be.
Oh, and stop being gay.
I don't think people born in 1960 are sacred, in that way, nor that anyone thinks they should be.
Oh, and stop being gay.
Why do I keep hearing that I'm shit??
Please stop.
Please stop being prejudiced against my health because of my generation. My dad is born in 1950. Why should I go into this crap? You've created fantasies where I'm supposed to be shit for you. I hear it in the silence of the night. If it's so interesting, maybe that "says" something I think I hope it wouldn't say. You wouldn't do this to your own kids.
Off.
I'm aware people born in 1949, men, can be sexy, but I don't know about females born in 1948, rather show-offs. Honestly...
See, you still think I'm shit, no matter what I say. You think that you're really smart and powerful. You think you know everything about me, but you make me have a bad life.
Wow, I'm really mad at the people born around 1960 getting everything. What can I say for people born in 1950? It's probably not their fault, but like they could have been different.
Please stop being prejudiced against my health because of my generation. My dad is born in 1950. Why should I go into this crap? You've created fantasies where I'm supposed to be shit for you. I hear it in the silence of the night. If it's so interesting, maybe that "says" something I think I hope it wouldn't say. You wouldn't do this to your own kids.
Off.
I'm aware people born in 1949, men, can be sexy, but I don't know about females born in 1948, rather show-offs. Honestly...
See, you still think I'm shit, no matter what I say. You think that you're really smart and powerful. You think you know everything about me, but you make me have a bad life.
Wow, I'm really mad at the people born around 1960 getting everything. What can I say for people born in 1950? It's probably not their fault, but like they could have been different.
Tweet @TheEllenShow
Ah! I just wrote this, but it's kinda stupid.
So, I thought my life was an experiment. (Ah, I'm antsy and agitated for a certain reason but will post about this for now. :| ) It went well, at first. I felt like really smart and it was really fascinating. I learned later that it had been an experiment all along and that I was to have a new life. I never had that life. I got madder and madder because I didn't have that life and my privacy was being taken. I didn't really like anyone. I grew to learn that well I would and that the world was more complex and magic, pretty much, very vast and multi-faceted, like maybe endless. I didn't think people were real, and some sorta paranormal things happened to me. I couldn't do the music history course up north. So, I was sent home. The next semester, the construction workers bothered me. I wasn't given a refund and all right away. Before, I wanted a chance to redo my courses, but no such luck. Then, I felt tortured by clicks in my ear as I was walking like I would commit suicide. I didn't tell anyone but about similar things. This was the next semester. When I was in 11th grade, I didn't think to get out of the class enough to convince myself to do it. They acted like I wasn't good enough, and I wouldn't have as good a teacher. That wasn't why I stayed. I thought each night I'd get my homework done in time but didn't. I stayed up way late. So, I was kicked out of singing and music education to begin with, and that's why I couldn't concentrate. It's like I was called a nigger. Also, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. So, I was in general studies, which was harder than honors. I went into Pre-Med Chem to be a Psychiatrist. Biology was hard, with an Asian teacher. Physics was the easiest, like Philosophy, which was way easy. Well, the Physics labs were easiest. So were the Chemistry labs. There were no Biology labs. I wish I did Biology II instead of Chemistry in high school. I don't know if anyone did that as a substitute. So, yea, I guess I began to deppreciate it. In the end, I was just being brutalized by everyone I knew not telling me why. I think it was for flunking, but my major was taken away. I was crawling up to the Loyola office to get back, but they were mean and racist and stupid. That was what I wanted. True, I was thinking of not even going to college in the back of my mind when I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was coming out. I was thinking of changing majors after a year, but I couldn't concentrate when my major was taken away forcibly. They said I was sneaky, the music education person from Wisconsin. I didn't make the first audition, for maybe music composition on piano and voice. I wasn't prepared for voice and was trembling a lot. I snatched back my resume. I got in the 2nd time for piano and later organ. I got the 2nd highest scholarship academically. I started off a 4.0 student but had that bad semester. I didn't really do as well in 12th grade. I got a 4.0 at the Baptist school, though. So, yea, I can't read what I just wrote, but you get the picture.
So, I thought my life was an experiment. (Ah, I'm antsy and agitated for a certain reason but will post about this for now. :| ) It went well, at first. I felt like really smart and it was really fascinating. I learned later that it had been an experiment all along and that I was to have a new life. I never had that life. I got madder and madder because I didn't have that life and my privacy was being taken. I didn't really like anyone. I grew to learn that well I would and that the world was more complex and magic, pretty much, very vast and multi-faceted, like maybe endless. I didn't think people were real, and some sorta paranormal things happened to me. I couldn't do the music history course up north. So, I was sent home. The next semester, the construction workers bothered me. I wasn't given a refund and all right away. Before, I wanted a chance to redo my courses, but no such luck. Then, I felt tortured by clicks in my ear as I was walking like I would commit suicide. I didn't tell anyone but about similar things. This was the next semester. When I was in 11th grade, I didn't think to get out of the class enough to convince myself to do it. They acted like I wasn't good enough, and I wouldn't have as good a teacher. That wasn't why I stayed. I thought each night I'd get my homework done in time but didn't. I stayed up way late. So, I was kicked out of singing and music education to begin with, and that's why I couldn't concentrate. It's like I was called a nigger. Also, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. So, I was in general studies, which was harder than honors. I went into Pre-Med Chem to be a Psychiatrist. Biology was hard, with an Asian teacher. Physics was the easiest, like Philosophy, which was way easy. Well, the Physics labs were easiest. So were the Chemistry labs. There were no Biology labs. I wish I did Biology II instead of Chemistry in high school. I don't know if anyone did that as a substitute. So, yea, I guess I began to deppreciate it. In the end, I was just being brutalized by everyone I knew not telling me why. I think it was for flunking, but my major was taken away. I was crawling up to the Loyola office to get back, but they were mean and racist and stupid. That was what I wanted. True, I was thinking of not even going to college in the back of my mind when I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was coming out. I was thinking of changing majors after a year, but I couldn't concentrate when my major was taken away forcibly. They said I was sneaky, the music education person from Wisconsin. I didn't make the first audition, for maybe music composition on piano and voice. I wasn't prepared for voice and was trembling a lot. I snatched back my resume. I got in the 2nd time for piano and later organ. I got the 2nd highest scholarship academically. I started off a 4.0 student but had that bad semester. I didn't really do as well in 12th grade. I got a 4.0 at the Baptist school, though. So, yea, I can't read what I just wrote, but you get the picture.
Dream
There was a huge school. I was wandering around a gift shop with some African American girls working who were set there. I was looking at all these things. I found a small watch for $4 that was pink and black and fuzzy. It changed in the end. It had like a skinny square head. I also was thinking of getting a purse for like $9 that was a backpack that changed the Disney characters, like once was like Goofy and Pluto. It was like dark green and checkered.
It was dangerous. We were being chased when we didn't get out of the store and to class. We made it, me and a friend. I was trying to imagine seeing Ellen as the teacher, but it was hard. I imagined lots of other people in the way I see details on my own. It was kinda colorful, bright, like a sherbert, bright pastel. It was like a game show.
Well, for some reason, I was still having weird thoughts, but nothing weird happened.
There was more to this dream, but I don't remember.
My thoughts weren't really too weird... maybe, but I was trying to suppress them. I was just concentrating on making it interesting. I guess the most interesting part was being attacked. I imagined the monster was there and I was just sitting there 80 like oh no. I imagined some perverted things, like an attack, and shapeshifting until something was an Oriental dragon but not too unattractive. There was another shapeshifting part that wasn't bad. I think there was also a part where we were eating. It was like a big cafe at school. I don't remember it well, this time, but I've dreamed of school cafes that were nice, a lot.
It was dangerous. We were being chased when we didn't get out of the store and to class. We made it, me and a friend. I was trying to imagine seeing Ellen as the teacher, but it was hard. I imagined lots of other people in the way I see details on my own. It was kinda colorful, bright, like a sherbert, bright pastel. It was like a game show.
Well, for some reason, I was still having weird thoughts, but nothing weird happened.
There was more to this dream, but I don't remember.
My thoughts weren't really too weird... maybe, but I was trying to suppress them. I was just concentrating on making it interesting. I guess the most interesting part was being attacked. I imagined the monster was there and I was just sitting there 80 like oh no. I imagined some perverted things, like an attack, and shapeshifting until something was an Oriental dragon but not too unattractive. There was another shapeshifting part that wasn't bad. I think there was also a part where we were eating. It was like a big cafe at school. I don't remember it well, this time, but I've dreamed of school cafes that were nice, a lot.
Tweet @TheEllenShow
The reason I'm eating so much is because I was thinking of my aunt and other people when they ate lots of juicy, good food.
Also, I should add my body feels kinda hollow but also in a weird way I don't like. It seemed okay, eating just some healthy food. When I got off track, eating like that felt disgusting. So, now, I added bread. I still just put one spice on my meat and vegetable. I'm also eating sweets. I went for like 2 years not really always eating sweets much at all and no snacks except like I guess that my parents left out Cheez-Its and also pretzels. I guess I started picking out unhealty burgers. Also, I was eating at Cracker Barrel a few weeks ago, and I realized I wanted to keep eating like that and so did. That was the big change, the real reason. I like the biscuits most and also the cornbread. Last time I ate there, it was easier to eat because I was mad, but I didn't taste the food so much. Also, I never liked milk and when I was mad I didn't taste it. I was with my dad both times. Well, I like chocolate milk but sometimes didn't.
Also, I should add my body feels kinda hollow but also in a weird way I don't like. It seemed okay, eating just some healthy food. When I got off track, eating like that felt disgusting. So, now, I added bread. I still just put one spice on my meat and vegetable. I'm also eating sweets. I went for like 2 years not really always eating sweets much at all and no snacks except like I guess that my parents left out Cheez-Its and also pretzels. I guess I started picking out unhealty burgers. Also, I was eating at Cracker Barrel a few weeks ago, and I realized I wanted to keep eating like that and so did. That was the big change, the real reason. I like the biscuits most and also the cornbread. Last time I ate there, it was easier to eat because I was mad, but I didn't taste the food so much. Also, I never liked milk and when I was mad I didn't taste it. I was with my dad both times. Well, I like chocolate milk but sometimes didn't.
Tweet @TheEllenShow cont.
I guess I'm gonna try to go to bed earlier. I'm not sure what would keep me up other than being restless. I also want to watch some Halloween shows or at least paranormal shows, maybe more paranormal shows I want to watch. I did want to go to Halloween parties. I have been since 2006. I could have gone to a step class for Halloween that year but didn't. I was a glow-in-the-dark skeleton. I was gonna get a Halloween or ghost book but have to wait to put money on my credit card if I do get one. I was supposed to go out tonight but am not. However, my dad is getting me food. :| I mean, don't plan on me watching your show. I proably will watch it every day again starting Monday and watching the recordings if they recorded. I will still read your posts online. I also plan to improve my online life and talk to the other people who post to you.
Tweet @TheEllenShow Sick!
I didn't watch your show on Monday|Tuesday, thinking it was a rerun. I realized maybe you filmed it sometime last week. Same with Wednesday. Thursday, I wasn't feeling well and slept in. Today, I guess I slept in, again. I'm finding, going to sleep at around 4|5|6 A.M., now, for some reason, I'm waking up not around 3 P.M. but around 12|13 hours later and then not feeling like doing anything important... :| Like, I'll just have some bagels and maybe a meal. Somehow, my night wears on. The thing is I'm supposed to be getting a device in which I can record your show in my own room, but I don't know when it'll arrive yet and will ask my dad. So, I'll go to the grocery store or something, apparently, or be eating out and then come home, maybe post myself on YouTube and exercise. I'll be ready to go to bed but stay up all night on Twitter or something, like I used to, and IMDb some, depending. So, I hope to catch up on your shows, at least watch what's online. Maybe, my schedule will change and I'll feel better. I just realized I'm eating more now and that's why I feel tired. I'm not really much bigger. Gotta go!
Dream
I was sitting in a light room. There was a lady asking questions. It was catering to ballerinas. She never picked on me.
Also, I was upset at my dad and aunt. I was having something done to my eyes. The lady put liquid in her nose and then put it in my eyes. Then, she never put in the eye drops, just that dark goo. Then, a girl came in without a top. I was getting the picture I was being punished and something about not being communicated to in the right way.
I was in the room with people answering questions based on what it's like to do ballet. I was with my dad. It was a light room with dainty tables. We were about to go on a ride.
Before that, I was in a scene with a professor, like talking to him on Twitter. I told him philosophy was easy for me. He was talking about someone with my name.
Also, I was upset at my dad and aunt. I was having something done to my eyes. The lady put liquid in her nose and then put it in my eyes. Then, she never put in the eye drops, just that dark goo. Then, a girl came in without a top. I was getting the picture I was being punished and something about not being communicated to in the right way.
I was in the room with people answering questions based on what it's like to do ballet. I was with my dad. It was a light room with dainty tables. We were about to go on a ride.
Before that, I was in a scene with a professor, like talking to him on Twitter. I told him philosophy was easy for me. He was talking about someone with my name.
Why O Why O Why
My dad won't stop making everything I think painful. Well, he's nice sometimes, but I know my mom uses that as a trap. Why are people able to wave a magic wand with me, particularly him?
Halp!
I'm still haunted by an ad I saw, thinking of Ellen DeGeneres, of a creepy tall, thin black lady like folding up a laptop!
Cleaning
So, I was just cleaning up some things, might get rid of things, too. Maybe, find a place to put things, like in my old bedroom in the closet. I'm looking forward to Halloween. =^,,^=~
Being Physical
People only trust people from physical places like northern U.S. and from the Baby Boom era. You have to be in the moment, like fighting all these things on the inside from the outside and covering every thought somehow, maybe pinpointing things.
How I Used to Eat :|
Well, when I was like 12, 13, 14, I used to have 1 or 2 bagels with butter for breakfast. Now, I have like 4 with a good amount of cream cheese. It's onion bagels with flavored cream cheese. I'm this week having beef and squash or spinach. I have biscuits available. I'm having swirly, yummy Italian ice. I have other desserts, quite a variety, but it's not a gingerbread house, exactly. =} I guess I'll get more fish next time. I like the big fish with the skin you peel off. I have some other leftover fish I need to freeze. xp I also have to go out and iron. The laundry's stopped up, I think.
...
...
I just cleaned the food from my room, today|yesterday.
Now, I just have the rest to clean, maybe even get rid of stuff, again, have to social network better. I'm pretty sure I'm staying on Blogger, but the categories is nice and for some reason I like to keep updates in a section. The free website makers are unreliable.
Oohhh xp
I cut my toe shaving! 80 I feel kinda disgusting. I'm a bit fat. I mean, I'm working out every day, again. I started eating bagels and cream cheese. '8| Also, now it's beef stuff and squash or spinach.
I'm loading a video of me talking and you'll see, but I'm not wearing a bra! 80
I'm loading a video of me talking and you'll see, but I'm not wearing a bra! 80
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